© Antonov V.V., 2008
Sexual Aspect of Love
Every one of us, as well as actually all embodied people, appeared in the material world owing to sex. Is it not absurd to deny sex then?
Yet sex is not only a means of reproduction, but also a way of developing the emotional sphere in the right direction, a method of attaining subtlety of the consciousness, tenderness, and caring attention — which are the most important qualities on the Path to the Creator.*
On the other hand, God does not approve of being obsessed with sex, when finding new sexual adventure becomes the main purpose of one’s life. God points those people at their being deluded by, for example, sending them various diseases.
Sex plays a socializing role in any healthy person’s ontogenesis (development in the current incarnation) starting from pubescence (this has been demonstrated also in experiments on animals; see ). Sex hormones generated in the body make people attracted to each other, start studying features of other people and ways of communicating with them.
Sexual relationships highlight sometimes completely opposite personal qualities of people. Some people GIVE themselves and their love to their partners; they care for them. People of the opposite end DEMAND pleasures for themselves, express selfishness accompanied by violence, contempt, and even hatred for their sexual partners.
This is how people express and develop qualities of one of the gunas and proceed either in the direction to God or to hell.
God controls all of us to a significant extent. Among other things He does — He throws us together with our sexual partners. He does it in order to provide people with learning situations, in which they would have to make their own decisions — right or wrong. In this way, in particular, people improve or worsen their destinies.
And if someone is having problems in their sexual life — they need to look for their mistakes here taking into account that in all situations God guides them. They need to find these mistakes and draw conclusions for the future.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a tight corner because of the mistakes we made in our past incarnations. This means that sometime in the past I did to somebody what I have to experience now. It is the law of karma manifesting itself — God showing me what victims of my past transgressions felt. Let us draw the right conclusions!
How should we behave in our sexual relationships in order to advance to God through them, instead of moving in the opposite direction?
The main rule here is that no constraint should be used — large or small, not even in one’s thoughts. Everyone should be absolutely free in giving their love, willing to fill and to saturate their partner with it.
One cannot ignore psychological differences between people of the opposite sex. And those differences are significant. For example, a man feels like having a sexual contact with a particular woman as a result of a predominantly visual perception, whereas for a woman it is her tactile sensing, responding to tender touching and fondling that plays a primary role here.
We all should try to be always tender and caring with each other! Tender words, a sincere smile of love, a touch with a hand or with the lips — these are the ways we can express our caress. (The lips must be relaxed and not wet when kissing somebody. One should also keep them closed. “Slobbery” kisses arouse only dislike for the one who gives them).
During a sexual intercourse an intensive energy exchange between the partners takes place. Especially powerful energy emission occurs during the orgasm; the feeling of bliss that accompanies such an emission is what orgasm actually is.
These kinds of energy are very important for the proper functioning of the human organism, as well as for spiritual work. This is why everyone should try to give their energy to their partner; this is a very valuable gift, of course provided that the energy is pure and subtle.
… The problem of saving energy for meditative work does exist. We certainly should try to get rid of everything that is unnecessary, of everything that interferes with our spiritual growth (acts of service according to Karma Yoga principles are necessary). Sex with inadequate partners is a typical example of energy squandering. One is really wasting energy when having sex in such a way.
Who are inadequate partners? And who are the adequate ones? The adequate partners are people whose level of energetic purity is similar to each other and who are at about the same level of spiritual advancement, including the level of subtlety of the consciousness. If one of the partners is at a fundamentally lower stage of personal evolution for the time being, is energetically coarser, and keeps a non-spiritual way of life, possessing gross ethical vices — than such partners are inadequate.
Sexual relationships of adequate partners do not bring to squandering of energy but to exchange of energetic purity and to activation of both partners’ psychic energy, as well as to its growth. They also create a greater energetic stability of both spouses.
Sex has been granted to us, people not only so that we could use it for reproduction. Sex is supposed also to contribute to the spiritual progress of those who are capable of such progress. Through sex we learn to love another person emotionally, develop structures of our emotional sphere, learn to care for the other, and get to know the states of peace and bliss. We also develop these states in ourselves, thus preparing ourselves to Great Peace and Supreme Bliss in the Abode of the Creator.
Spouses can use sex as a meditative training. For example: both partners may look at each other from their anahatas, merge by spiritual hearts with each other into one — and with God.
I want to mention that in low-grade literature on “spiritual sex” one can find recommendations to avoid one's own orgasms. This, they say, allows one to accumulate energy in the body and tremendously contributes to spiritual growth… But in reality any attempts to improve one’s well being at the expense and to the detriment of others have nothing in common with spirituality. This is propaganda of a variation of energy vampirism. This is a disgusting manifestation of egotism. God can in no way call this love, and this has nothing to do with the Path to God.
And one last thing: who can become the spouse of a spiritual warrior? What is marriage for this kind of people? And what is adultery and fornication for them?
General rules here are the following:
Marriage is a stable union of two people, who walk the spiritual Path together, sexual relationships being one of the components of their communication.
And on the contrary, “any (sexual) connection of dissimilar people is adultery,” [6,11] — this is what Jesus Christ taught to His closest disciples and this is what Apostle Philip wrote in His Gospel.
Dissimilar are people who significantly differ from each other in the level of their spiritual advancement. Among the dissimilarities are their psychoenergetic characteristics: the purer and subtler one’s energy is — the closer this person is to the Goal, to the Creator.
During a sexual intercourse an intensive exchange of energies between the partners takes place. Therefore, marriage with spiritually inadequate partner hinders the progress of the more advanced one and such a marriage is not pleasing to God.
God also considers it as fornication if someone is too obsessed with sex, which is manifested in searching for new sexual contacts. Tendencies like this distract one’s attention from God and lead one away from the Path.
We see that both adultery and fornication may take place only when speaking of religious people. These terms may not apply to earthly people who live just by satisfying their bodily needs, thus the rules for them are different.
God throws people together in marital relationships Himself. He did not delegate this function to any earthly “pastors”. State registration of marriage makes sense only in regard to solving any proprietary issues and children-related problems.
It is also necessary to mention that demands of various religious sects (and sometimes those of mundane morality) that people get married “blindly”, without getting to know each other from the sexual standpoint, are invalid.
When it comes to sexual disorders or failure of sexual function — men’s problems usually come to mind: impotence, fast ejaculation, etc. Sexual failure of women is not that clear and is not that widely discussed. Women also less often ask for this kind of medical help.
But some women cannot reach orgasm under any circumstances, and because of this they suffer after each sexual contact from sacrum pain, headaches and feeling overall exhausted. Sex becomes a nightmare to them. The genitals of some women instead of being erogenous — only possess an increased sensitivity to pain, even in the absence of inflammatory processes. Sexual contacts cause unbearable tickling sensation in some women. There are also women whose sexual energy (udana) is so coarse that no partner can make a sexual contact with them last longer than a few seconds. The erogenous part of the genitals of some women is not the clitoris, not the entrance of the vagina or its front side, but only the deepest part of the vagina, which not every man is able to reach.
In all such cases spouses cannot enjoy deep harmony in their relationships, and these marriages will not be stable, whatever splendid rites were used to “sanctify” them.
Only those marriages which are based on spiritual as well as on sexual harmony can be harmonious and favorable in spiritual respect.
So, marital relationships are important lessons in the School of God. Let us be sensitive to His Will and comply with it!
* * *
Let me draw your attention to the fact that Krishna not only had wives and children, but also talked about relationships of Ishvara (God-the-Father) and Brahman in sexual terms, as well as emphasized the Divine nature of sexual power in all beings [6,11].
Sathya Sai Baba also blesses marital relationships.
Babaji taught and teaches now the same.
David Copperfield demonstrates the Divine beauty of tenderness in eroticism of His “magic” dance.
Jesus, when He last time lived on the Earth, exemplified for His disciples the important role of sexually colored tenderness in the correct development of the consciousness [6,11]. At present He suggests that people view the exchange of sexual energies between spiritual aspirants as a truly sacred communion .
But I want to emphasize especially that these words in no circumstances should be interpreted as recommendations of casual sexual relationships or “total sexualization”. The conclusion that sex by itself can ensure one’s spiritual growth will also be incorrect. No. Only ethically impeccable sexual relationships between spiritual aspirants will render them invaluable help.
Only those sexual interactions that are performed with emotional subtlety, that are filled with tenderness and gratitude to the partner — can lead us to God. They represent an antipode to egotistic satisfaction of lust, which God disapproves of.
I would like to point out one more characteristic of spiritual sexual relationships: each partner acts in the interests of the other, attunes to him or to her, feels the partner, trying to make his or her pleasure more intense. This is what ensures the attainment of full harmony. Each partner learns how to penetrate (as a consciousness) into the body of the beloved one; as a result of this their bodies get purified and healed and the consciousnesses merge into one.
In this way we can practice merging of consciousnesses in the embrace of subtlest love. And this in turn prepares us to future Mergence with the Main Beloved — with God.